That’s right I will back to balisticaly blogging consistently. My mind has marinated long enough and now is in the height of its degeneracy and debauchery.
First lets start with COACH purse/clothing company. So my wife and I are gallivanting around town as usual doing the usual things we should not be doing eating and shopping (typing this from a new computer we just got at Frys and thus why the blogs will be coming fast and furious. Why? Because my computer is now fast and furious!). Of course somehow us getting a new toy = her getting a new toy and she twisted my arm three times sideways and convinced me (she has a magical way of doing this that I have yet to find the kryptonite 2) to take her to get a new COACH purse. So we arrive at a flagship company COACH store in Manhattan Beach (its right next to Frys, oh it all seems so logical when it’s not) and are left waiting a few minutes (not normal when we have gone in the past and this was on a random Tuesday at an even more random time). It wasn’t anybling (anything – sometimes I like making up new words) to us and we perused the goods ourselves. Finally we were greeted by a perky little bouncy thingy of a sales girl and we of course ask for the hot shit. I say u know the don dizzle. As two white people trying to communicate and my Asian flavor next to me the scene was certainly out of a bad hip hop movie and the sales girl looked like she had just seen OJ busting into her hotel room to get him back his purses. Once the awkwardness floated out of the air and I explained in white people language we would like to see the newest purses that COACH was making we were happily escorted over to the section that had caught our eye when we were left previously fending for ourselves (we were already sold). I will say the new style is very cool. It actually has a picture of a stage COACH on it and our little pop tart upselled us like crazy explaining how durable they were (waterproof I think) and how like totally awesome they were. So by this time my wife now looks like a crack fiend drooling for her next hit. There are three sizes to choose from and triple the color schemes. She is tearing through the store seeing how each one looks draped over her might arms. In the interim I am building a snow man out of all the little white balls of stuffing paper(like the ones you find in the bottom of new shoes and such – you know those evil little white balls of paper that I think are claimed to be used to keep the items shape?). Keep the items shape, man if I need some paper to keep a $400 purses shape maybe I should be re-considering the purchase in the first place? After much chaos we decided on the dark brown color scheme. We bounce over to Mrs. Bouncy sales girl and say hey we will scoop up the dark brown one (in my head I think this sounds like me asking my nephews to clean up in the backyard after the dogs – then I snap back knowing the continuous life relations such as these are what are tweaking my brain more and more daily). After waiting a few minutes we discovered they were sold out. The girl then smiles and says “I can order you one online”. I am thinking I can go home and order one online. Even better I can get on my cell phone and probably order one faster and with less hassle then you online. If I wanted to order something online wouldn’t I just do it myself? As usual my wife and I were left saddened and perplexed. She had to go to dinner with her family new-purse less and I had to ponder how companies could be more degenerate and donkeyish then me. So COACH if you need a biz consultant (which you clearly do). Holla at your boy. I’ll fix your company for cheap. The reasons why he COACH company is a clear donkey.
-They do not have enough employees working (this is a growing trend I have been noticing with businesses and it is terrible). If you have customers have employees to help them this is not business rocket science and in the long run it pays dividends
-If you have the hot ish and a brand new product make sure it is in stock. This is almost the most pathetic display of business savvy a company can accomplish. This is 2009 you can ship things in a day and computers can say hello I am out of this purse please order more. I can order you one online is not what the customer at the store wants to hear. Especially when he can drive to rodeo and get the purse. Or sit in his pajamas and type
www.coach.com and www.ebay.com.
-Don’t put something on display to sell if you can not sell it or don’t have it in stock. This seems like a logical way not to piss off people and simple business logic but what do I know (game stop and toys r us are guilty as charged as well – read past blogs).
-Don’t run your business so bad that you make some poor little girl work like a Chelsey Handler employee for a half hour then donk it up and cost her a sale.
COACH you got problems. I just cant comprehend how Billion dollar companies can run themselves so bad and spazz monkey it up so hard that they can piss off a customer (my wife is now getting a louis vuiton, ysl, Versace or Gucci purse now -NO MORE COACHES), screw over a commission for one of what is a diminishing workforce and cost themselves a $500 sale because they cant figure stocking products in a flagship company store in Los Angeles. Good game COACH and the economy.
On to a brighter subject somehow Del Taco figured out how to steal my heart. As I have heard before a way to mans heart is through his stomach (If Henessey is whats being put in the stomach then I’m in love). I think my friends would change the quote to a way to a mans heart is through his liver and gamboozling. Well while in Las Vegas we of course found our way to Del Taco (a disgustingly good Mexican fast food restaurant). While there we noticed a new menu item called jalapeño poppers (or fried jalapeños or something to that effect). They are only like a buck or two so naturally I grabbed an order. Being from Texas I love anything spicy (as a kid I used to eat jalapeños as a snack – sporting events I order more jalapeños then nachos and cheese (or chips and cheese because technically nachos already have cheese but then it would not be as clear in the writing at least that what it seems like when I am writing in my own head but this is the kind of degenerate thoughts/writing I often spare my readers from). Anyways back to Del Tacos amazing new discovery. So I have no idea what to expect as these simply are not at any restaurant I know of and the dipping sauce they were advertising that is included (was not called ranch) and looked more like the dripping sauce after watching internet porn (okay really bad reference when discussing food but hey I am a degen and if I gross everyone out into not eating these morsels of heaven then that means there is JUST MO FO ME). Got my stash of jalapeños and raced home to show my wife my new discovery (She loves this kind of food too even the dripping sauce oh man this blog is going down tits fast). I also want to note I found these things first so she can not go all Christopher Columbus on dat azz and claim first discovery. Needless to say these things are off the vine. I mean delicious and degenerate artery clogging does not even describe these little nuggets of perfection. More importantly as in all things in life my wife agreed. We ate these things two or three more times on our trip never suspecting Los Angeles would not have them. Well were back in Los Angeles and Del Taco does not have these heavenly jalapeño concoctions. Arghhhhhhhhhh. So saddening (there is a Del Taco walking distance from my house in LA as well). I think they might be for a limited time only or in test mode or something, making eating and them even more crucial. If I make it back to vegas and they are still available I am going to buy like a 100 orders and roll around in my kitchen with them and stuff my face until I turn green with smoke coming out of my ears ( I’ll leave how they come out on the backend for another blog). Well Del Taco you have a freaking mint on your hands. Go world wide. Market them and teach the holy grail of fried jalapeño recipes to the endless restaurants that should have them on there menu. Bring them to LA for all us spending to much on real estate. Sweet Sweet fried Del Taco jalapeño poppers.
This blog part goes outs to Toyota of Marina Del Rey. So our car is on the fritz (I wish it was called the ritz) and every time we drive/start it clearly something (many many things) are completely off. It shakes likes those beds you put quarters in in vegas. There are more lights flashing error on the dashboard then red lights in Amsterdam. So we finally get around to taking it to the Toyota car dealership. I get there and explain to the guy the various problems. He was like blah blah blah its probably this and this and it should cost are $500. So after the diagnostic I get “da call”. The guy is like well we found this and this and to fix everything it will cost $2500. Of course I am passed out drunk and gambling like a fiend in my dreams and mumble to the dude yeah yeah just fix whatever. For the most part I could careless what happens as I can always make more money and these guys are supposed to be honest professionals ( I am not sure how this is possible when you make your living and feed your family on up selling parts and services) but whatever its America and this is the standard shady business practices hard working moronic individuals are subjected to and even encouraged to use on a daily basis. Well they hold the car for around 6 hours fixing everything. Of course do not offer a car to use or even a ride to my next destination (1 straight to the casino please). So we finally get the car (not washed) and the bill. The bill states that labor alone was $1300 +. I am no math genius but 6 hours of work by one person = $200 + an hour. Who the fuzzzzzk makes $200 an hour putting new tires on a car. Last time I check changing oil and spark plugs was a one man job. There is not a bone in my body that can figure out how this number is justifiable. I do not even want to comprehend what kind of skill set you need to make $200 an hour in this shithole of a country but changing tires I am sure is not one of them. So a big middle finger to Toyota of Marina Del Rey and thanks for robbing me. Robbed again.
Other uneventful life occurrences since my last blog:
-Played in the Venetian deep stacked tournament. Played amazing. Outlasted 260 people for 7 hours with a decent stack. The 12 Hennessey’s and cokes I drank finally caught up to me. Donk bluffed it all off at the end after losing like 6 sports bets in a row that tilted me to no end.
-Crushed the Vegas sports book. I mean I want to say that I am a genius and my public record shows it but hey I am not one to label myself. At one point I thing I went 15 for 17 sports betting.
-Lost all my winnings in Vegas to the super donkey monkey pit game blackjack. This is love hate for sure. I love the game and the game hates me.
Enough ramblings for today. Expect constant and entertaining updates. Read the past stuff. Email and tell me what you want more off. Some good links to check out below. New blogs coming almost daily. Hollaaaaaaa
degenaMATT
http://www.highstakesdb.com/challenge/durrrr-vs-antonius.aspxhttp://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showpost.php?p=8854245&postcount=168
http://www.highstakesdb.com/challenge/durrrr-vs-antonius.aspxhttp://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showpost.php?p=8854245&postcount=168
